So I had a dream and it went something like this:
It’s around 2080 or some shit like that. Scientists have found the cure for aids and most types of cancers. Just not testicular and ovarian cancer. Just so God has one last human disease that he can consider “population control”. Other than that we have war, cigarettes, suicides, natural disasters. So with these new advances in medicine, the scientists have also discovered a way to reanimate the dead. Yes, I mean bring back life, but obviously I mean zombies, so not exactly bring back life. Then from there some hectic Resident Evil shit happened. But these zombies were different, not like super powered zombies. They were more sluggish and well…survivable. So the scientists killed themselves cause they were like “FUCK FUCK FUCK”. But along with finding the cures, humans were rendered immune to those diseases that plague us today. Course those immunizations are in vaccine form, so one brilliant scientist was like “I’m bringing AIDs and Cancer back”. And he did. And made the ultimate sacrifice. That’s right, he gave combined the two diseases into one crazy strand in an animal and infected the foreign strand in himself. Then he started having sex with all the female zombies. You may wonder, “wouldn’t the female zombies eat him?” Sure, but like I said, these zombies were different. More realistically, if reanimation were possibly, the basic motives of humans should still compel these reanimate versions of our departed. Hunger, sex, and survival would still remain.
Having that said, these zombies couldn’t live forever. They would need to eat to survive, if not they’d kill each other and so on. I think you get the point. But good think the basic instincts inside the brain was the only part that could reanimate. And good thing zombies couldn’t reproduce. But as long as their basic needs were met, they would stop their hunger fits, or whatever, and just roam around.
So the scientist fucked all the female zombies he could find. Ugly, hot, and neither. And it worked, a couple years later all zombies started to just die since these old generations had no immunity to Megastrand 777 Canceraids. Before he died, which was like 6 months after he infected himself, he wrote a book. It was pretty gross, describing sex with dead people brought back to life. But the funny thing is, he only had sex with celebrities. Cause all the male zombies would either rape them or eat them and get the disease either way. He got to fuck Megan Fox. She was still hot as a zombie. Anyway he made guidelines to survive zombies, if he couldn’t kill them all.
This was it:
1. sneak up and beat the crap out of them
2. seek high ground, they get bored of trying to get you
3. never leave a homie behind
4. they’re really dumb, so they probably won’t notice if you act like them and walk right by
5. show them no mercy, she ain’t your mama no more
6. guns are the easiest, just use common sense when trying to kill a zombie
7. they’re slow, so hit the track!
8. if you ever played sports, use your skills!
9. failure to live by these guidelines will result in death
So these rules were endorsed by the Zombie Awareness Council of 2080(ish).
Then I woke up and realized that one day someone might want to reanimate me. So my goal is to be a good human so many by zombies days will follow the same habits I had when I went through life the first time.
- Joe
